Fallen
by Genkai Lady
Summary: A songfic about Nuriko's death to Sarah McLachlan's Fallen.


Fallen   
A songfic dedicated to Nuriko's death. Yes, Nuriko is tied for my favorite character. With Tasuki. Go figure. Get out those tissues, folks! This takes place before the end of the OVAs. It helps to listen to the song before you read the fic.  
  
Heaven bend to take my hand  
And lead me through the fire  
Be the long awaited answer  
To a long and painful fight  
  
Death greeted me coldly. Not in the way of dying in a land of snow, but in a land with no love. I could not be with His Highness. I could not protect Miaka. I could not do anything any longer. I did my best to move the rock and I did. But that ended in a fatal mistake. I never wanted death to claim me- our cause was too important. Death was not at all what I wanted- it did nothing for me.  
  
Truth be told I've tried my best  
But somewhere along the way  
I got caught up in all there was to offer  
And the cost was so much more than I could bear  
  
I was always there for anyone to talk to. "The older brother" as Tamahome called me. But I couldn't keep my thoughts off Miaka and that led to being caught off guard. Too off guard. Now Taka is older than I am. That makes me feel more depressed- my progress has come to an end in my eyes. I lost the right to go on living.  
  
Though I've tried, I've fallen...  
I have sunk so low  
I have messed up  
Better I should know  
So don't come round here  
And tell me I told you so...  
  
Was love a mistake? No, I could never think that. I watched Tamahome and Miaka be together. But before I could witness their love grow even deeper, I became too caught up in the priestess rather than her cause. I know they will say I died a valiant death- a hero's death of nobility and honor. But after I began to shadow the priestess and Taka to fight against Tenkou, their faces only mocked me. They personally never mocked me. Only their living faces were cruel and mocking reminders.  
  
We all begin with good intent  
Love was raw and young  
We believed that we could change ourselves  
The past could be undone  
  
I did my best, Hotohori did his best, Mitsukake did his best, Chiriko did his best, Tasuki is doing his best, Chichiri is doing his best, Taka is doing his best, and Miaka is doing her best. But our attempts always get harder and more horrible with each death. A strange and innocent foreign girl from the future with a school girl crush on a dashing miser. That's what it started as. Now our battered corpses lay in the earth trying to desperately save a world we would never set eyes on.  
  
But we carry on our backs the burden  
Time always reveals  
The lonely light of morning  
The wound that would not heal  
It's the bitter taste of losing everything  
That I have held so dear.  
  
I could not be healed. My wound was permanent and never would leave. People laughed at my attempts to be a woman, but never at my attempts to help the Seishi and Priestess. It was too hard. It was hard for every one of us. We all feel alone, especially in death. I lost it all. All of it. I did my best to realize Kourin was never coming back. Kourin, my place at Miaka's side... so many things gone. So that is why Miaka cannot lose- she cannot lose so she can win in my place.  
  
I've fallen...  
I have sunk so low  
I have messed up  
Better I should know  
So don't come round here  
And tell me I told you so...  
  
There's nothing I can do about what happened, but I still feel badly about it. I'm still trying to do my best though. Sadly, I can't help enough. I know it's no use apologizing, since I technically have done nothing wrong. It would only make Miaka more stressed. That's the last thing I need to do- make Miaka feel worse.  
  
Heaven bend to take my hand  
Nowhere left to turn  
I'm lost to those I thought were friends  
To everyone I know  
  
You can't take back dying. It happens and there is nothing to do about it. I lost everything. Everything was gone- I may have even lost myself. I don't think people really understand dying until it happens to them. I have nothing left now.  
  
Oh they turn their heads embarrassed  
Pretend that they don't see  
But it's one missed step  
One slip before you know it  
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed  
  
Even in death, I will never forget the looks on the faces of everyone who knew me in my childhood after I "became" Kourin. They labeled me as an outcast, saying I didn't deserve to be a man anyway since I dealt so badly with grief. I hadn't meant to turn my family away from me by trying to be Kourin. I didn't realize what becoming Kourin meant. I was so young and naive, yet they did not spare me judgment.  
  
Though I've tried, I've fallen...  
I have sunk so low  
I have messed up  
Better I should know  
So don't come round here  
And tell me I told you so...  
  
I smile a little sarcastically, and float over to where the others are watching Miaka eat. Her appetite never decreased, but we all can tell she is still suffering. I wish I could eat. I wish I could drink. I wish I wasn't dead. But wishing is a task for a priestess. I am no priestess. I just pray that Miaka does and keeps doing her best.  
  
I've messed up  
Better I should know  
So don't come round here  
And tell me I told you so...  
  
Fin.   
  
I don't think I did the song or Nuriko justice with this dinky songfic, but I tried! Anyone agree or disagree with how I portrayed Nuriko? Some people think that Nuriko is 100 gay, others think that Nuriko wouldn't be bothered by the death thing- review and tell me what you think! I tried my best not to mention Nuriko's gender. Because it's a very controversial issue.


End file.
